Through Heaven and Hell
by kai and kara
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella finds herself sick. She goes to the hospital and finds out... she's pregnant! How is that even possible? Vampires can't have children!
1. changes for better and worse

-- Through heaven and hell --

A/N - ello! well thank you for deciding to read my story... this is my first fanfic so im honored! also I would like to warn you before hand, the beginning will be a bit slow, but don't worry it'll be interesting kays? Thanks again for reading "through heaven and hell" -kara m. hale

Disclaimer - I do NOT own the plot of twilight or any of its original characters. I do not claim anything that isn't mine.

Chapter one: changes for the better... and for the worse

--Bella's pov--

"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted. His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain.

"It was my fault. He left me right there on the trail, in sight of the house... but I tried to follow him." Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room." Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.

Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute I realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as id left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked and the lid slowly swung open. It was empty. The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where id put it last. I lifted the front cover with a shaking hand. I didn't have to flip any further than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom:

Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th.

I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough. It will be as if I never existed, he'd promised me.

I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface.

--Three weeks later--

I reluctantly opened my eyes and rolled over to my side. A wave of nausea swept over me and I tried to fight against it, I had been sick ever since he left... and that was almost three weeks ago. When another wave of nausea washed over me I jumped up from my bed and dashed towards the bathroom. My stomach heaved right when I reached the toilet, so I sank onto my knees on the bathroom floor and let my stomach empty its contents into the ceramic bowl.

After I was pretty sure I wouldn't throw up everywhere, I stood shakily and walked to the bathroom door, I walked into the hallway to see Charlie staring at me with worry filling his eyes.

"Bells, you've been really sick for awhile now. Imp taking you to the doctor today." I didn't even protest, I really felt awful, so I nodded weakly and made my way back to my room. I stumbled over to my bed and collapsed onto the mattress, I sighed and let my eyes close, hoping for the escape of unconsciousness.

Of course, I didn't get my wish, I stayed completely conscious and continued to suffer from the overwhelming nausea and my aching muscles. I watched the clock and when five minutes had passed Charlie walked into my room and to my bedside, "Bells, baby, do you think you can walk?" I nodded my head weakly and slowly stood up from the bed, I barely managed to take two steps before I saw my bedroom floor rushing towards my face.

Charlie caught me at the last second, stumbling a bit as he caught my weight, before he picked me up and cradled me carefully in his arms. "Ill take that as a 'no' Bells." He chuckled as he walked down the stairs, but when he reached the front door he struggled a bit to lock the front door and close it while keeping me safely in his arms.

Finally the house was secure and Charlie and I were buckled into the cruiser. Charlie started driving and we sat in complete silence, an agonized; pained silence on my part, and a worried; concerned silence on Charlie's. He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and parked the cruiser close to the front doors of the building. He quickly got out and ran over to my side, he opened my door but I ignored him and got out on my own.

I briskly walked through the doors to the hospital and sat down in one of the padded chairs in the lobby. Charlie wasn't that far behind me and he signed in at the front desk, and after the nurse handed him some paper work he sat beside me. I automatically took the papers from him and began filling them out, it was all basic information. Name, age, parents, ect. I filled the paper work quickly and handed them back to Charlie, he smiled gratefully at me before returning the files back to the nurse at the desk.

I sighed a bit as I glanced around the familiar hospital, the nausea was passing and all that really bothered me were my aching muscles, and I was so tired it was pathetic. I hadn't been sleeping well since he left and I had nightmares every single night, I often started screaming in my sleep, waking myself up by the piercing sounds. I leaned back against the chair and closed my eyes, I think sleep deprivation was more to blame than some 'illness' I supposedly had, but I sat still and waited for the doctor to call me back. I wasn't really here for my own benefit, the only reason I had come willingly was that Charlie was beyond worried about my health... that and I did feel completely awful earlier this morning.

Charlie sat dutifully at my side and constantly shot worried glances at me before returning his gaze to the door where the doctor would come to retrieve me. We sat in complete silence until Dr. Gerandy walked through the door, an automatic smile crossing his face as he saw me and Charlie, but the smile looked reserved and professional instead of friendly and welcoming. I silently stood to my feet and Charlie scrambled to his feet, making sure I could stand on my own.

I shot him a reassuring smile as I walked towards Dr. Gerandy, "Hello." My greeting wasn't to warm, but the fact that I was in a hospital was getting to me and I was slightly annoyed.

"Hello Isabella, how are you feeling?" I opened my mouth to answer his question but Charlie hurried to answer for me, "Doctor, she's been ill lately... I'm worried." I glared briefly at my father before turning back to Dr. Gerandy. He looked me over and no doubt saw the dark shadows under my eyes, or the fact that every movement was slow and pained.

He frowned slightly, "Isabella... follow me." And without another word he turned and retreated back through the door he had come in through. I turned to my dad, "Dad, wait here okay? I'm fine." I assured him before he could protest, reluctantly, he nodded and walked over to the chair he was sitting in earlier. I sighed and walked through the door after Dr. Gerandy, I wasn't sure what news he would give me, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be good.

Well there's chapter one. I know the beginning was sort of a bore, since it was just a piece of new moon, but don't worry information there is very important so bear with me all right? What do you think is wrong with Bella? Or is something right with her? Oh and please review, it took me forever to get the idea, and then to get it started, and then to type it all. So spare a few seconds and review? pretteh pwease with a Cullen on top? winks anyways, you'll be rewarded if you review! Love you all! - kara marie hale


	2. an unexpected surprise

--through heaven and hell--

--through heaven and hell--

A/N - Ello again! Well, as promised here's chapter two!! Whoo! Okay seriously got to stop having sugar before I write... anyways, here's the chapter! Oh and a HUGE thanks to my reviewers! ily guys!

Disclaimer - I do NOT own the twilight plot or any of its original characters. I do NOT claim anything that isn't mine.

--

chapter two: an unexpected surprise

--Bella's pov--

I fussed with the edge of my hunters green sweater as my eyes bored an imaginary hole through the door to the hospital room I was in. Every moment that passed by just increased my anxiety and I wasn't sure how much more of this silent torture I could take. My eyes darted to the small clock above the doorframe for the thousandth time before my gaze returned to staring at the door. An hour had passed and Dr. Gerandy wasn't back yet. He had led me to this bland hospital room almost two and a half hours ago, and then had me describe every single thing that was wrong before he began the never-ending procession of tests. How long could it possibly take to confirm that I just had a bad case of the flu? I mean, it was just the flu, wasn't it? Well, if it wasn't the flu, what could it be? My mind searched and searched for another possibility but it came up blank. The only conclusion I could come up with was that I had a bad case of the flu.

I tore my gaze from the door and stared down at my hand that were clenching and unclenching repeatedly in my lap. My useless thoughts were frustrating me and it didn't help that Dr. Gerandy wasn't back yet to shed some light on what was going on. I lost track of time as my mind tried without to success to find an alternative for the flu, something that could leave me so sick and sore, that I almost didn't even notice when a knock sounded at the door. I barely looked up in time to see Dr. Gerandy slip silently into the room and close the door firmly behind him. I smiled gratefully towards him for releasing me from the agonizing silence, but he was to engrossed in the clipboard that he held in his hands to notice. So I just sat on the small hospital cot and clenched my hands into tight fists, trying to keep some kind of control over the panic that was quickly taking me over.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity Dr. Gerandy looked up from his clipboard to see the panicked frenzy I was spiraling into. He smiled softly, "Don't worry Isabella, nothing is wrong, absolutely nothing. Please calm down." I sighed, weak with relief, and leaned back against the wall while I slowly closed my eyes. Nothing was wrong, that was great, actually that was more than great. That was the best news I could get right now. At least that's what I thought before Dr. Gerandy continued speaking. "Actually something's incredibly right." I opened my eyes and stared at him, puzzled, what was he talking about? Dr. Gerandy sat across from me and clasped his hands together. "Isabella, we're almost positive that we know what's happening, but I need to ask a couple of questions first, just to make sure. Is that all right?"

I was still completely confused, and I had an odd feeling about this, but my curiosity got the better of me. "Uhm, a-all right?" Dr. Gerandy chuckled, "I'll try to make this as simple as possible Isabella," I simply nodded, motioning for him to continue, "Well, Isabella, have you been... physically intimate, with anyone?" It took a moment for his words to sink in but as soon as they did I felt the blood rush to my face, causing my face to blush a deep crimson red. I suppose he took that as a 'yes' because he continued with his questioning, "When was the last time you were with someone?" The blush that was slowly fading from my cheeks was overtaken by another. "I-is that really i-important?" My embarrassment had me stuttering helplessly over my words, and I internally groaned at the awkward turn this conversation had taken. Dr. Gerandy chuckled, "Yes its important Isabella." I took a deep breath, "If this is really important..." Dr. Gerandy nodded. "Uhm, i-it was only once, on my uhm, my eighteenth birthday." Dr. Gerandy's smile became more pronounced as he checked something on his charts, then he quickly jotted something down before returning his attention to me.

"Thank you Isabella, that's all i need to know." I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me what the hell was going on, but he just sat there smiling silently at me. Finally i had enough of the silence, "Aren't you going to tell me what's happening to me?!" Dr. Gerandy chuckled, "I guess we have made you wait long enough... Isabella, congratulations, you're going to be a mother." I tilted my head to one side, "I-i don't think I u-understand... what your... s-saying..." I was lying to him, and I was trying to lie to myself. I knew what he was trying to tell me, but I was desperately trying to tell myself that it was a lie... that it wasn't true, in order to save my mangled heart from more damage. Of course, Dr. Gerandy wasn't going to let that happen, "Isabella... you're pregnant. About a month pregnant to be exact."

I shook my head furiously, "No I'm not, it's... it's impossible. I cant be... I cant... I'm not... it's impossible... I cant..." I was ranting on like an idiot and I knew that, but my mind wasn't concentrated on what I was saying, it was attempting to deny the fact that I was pregnant with Edwards baby. Dr. Gerandy looked puzzled, his eyebrows raised in question. "What exactly do you mean Isabella?" I was on the edge of a breakdown, my arms were wrapped tightly around my chest and tears filled my eyes just waiting to be shed. "H-h-he... he cant have... h-he cant have children... he cant... and h-he was the only one... the only one... h-he cant have children... which means I cant be pregnant. I just can't be." I could tell Dr. Gerandy was starting to get worried, concern filling his eyes, and he stood at my side slowly patting my back. "Who can't have children Isabella?" At that the tears streaked silently down my cheeks, and the hole in my chest ripped itself open, the edges ragged. The pain left me breathless, but I managed to choke out his name before I broke down. "E-Edward... Edward C-cu-Cullen... Edward is the father... Oh god, he's the father, and he's gone... he's gone..." I was sobbing hysterically now as the truth planted itself in my heart, I was pregnant, and I was going to have Edwards baby.

I realized everything at once, the nausea in the mornings that was actually morning sickness, my sore muscles, everything made sense. Yet, I was too blind to see the obvious, frightened to death that I might be pregnant with the love of my life's baby... and he wasn't even here. He would never know that he was a father, he would never hold his child, and he wouldn't be there for me as I struggled with the trivial problems of pregnancy. I would never feel his stone cold arms wrap around me in a silent reassurance, I would never feel his marble lips against mine as he celebrated the thing that could only be described as a miracle, and I would never see his crooked grin that would spread across his perfect lips as he heard the news. I would never know what would have happened if he and his family were here with me, because they were gone.

Gone.

The word caused a surge of pain to shoot through me, and a pained cry escaped my lips. I was vaguely aware of Dr. Gerandy's useless attempts to comfort me, and finally he just sat there with me, letting me cry myself out.

I don't know how long it took, but finally my tears stopped, but I couldn't remove my arms from my chest, the aching hole in my chest just hurt too much. I sat up slowly, smiling brokenly towards Dr. Gernady, "I-i-im s-sorry, you s-shouldn't h-have seen t-that." He dismissed my apology quickly, "Isabella don't worry about it, do you want to stay here for awhile, or would you like to go home?" I stood up shakily, "I think i-i-i'm going t-to go home... I need to t-think about some t-things." I was starting to be able to control my voice, but it was still shaking a bit, and I knew that my pain was in display at the moment. I felt extremely vulnerable, and i needed the sanctuary of my home, my room, where I could go to pieces in silence.

Dr. Gerandy smiled softly at me, before helping me to the lobby, where my father jumped up and hurried over to us. I'm sure I scared him to death, my eyes red, my arms clutching my chest for dear life, my steps shaky, my breaths labored. He looked me over and then he pulled me into his arms, pressing a kiss into my hair. Wordlessly he led me to the car, and helped me into in the back seat, before he got in the drivers seat and drove home quickly. As soon as we were parked I opened my door and tried to get out, but Charlie was standing there, offering me a helping hand. I took it gratefully and we walked silently into the house, and when we were inside I stumbled over to the couch and sank into the cushions.

Charlie stared at me, worry in his eyes, "Bells, what's wrong baby?" I looked him in the eyes, my own tearing up again. "Dad... i-i'm sorry, b-but I'm... I'm pregnant Dad. I-i-i'm going to h-have a b-b-ba-baby." Charlie's eyes widened and he stood there in shock, before he fell to his knees in front of me." Bells, baby, please don't cry. Shush, its okay, I'm not mad baby, I'm not mad. Don't cry, please don't cry baby." I sobbed, "Dad, your not m-m-mad? B-but don't you k-know what i-i-i d-did?" He nodded, "Well, Bells baby, its sort of obvious. But no, I'm not mad, baby, you're hurt. Why would I be mad at you? When this is tearing you up?" I sobbed and threw myself into his arms, and I let myself cry in my father's arms.

He understood, and I was so relieved that I was sobbing like a baby, but I didn't care. My dad was there for me, and he wasn't mad at me, and I was so happy I couldn't describe it. I was slowly excepting the fact that soon, I was going to be a mother, and to tell the truth I was getting excited. I was always going to have a reminder that he, did in fact, exist. No matter how much he wished otherwise. He existed, and my baby was going to be proof of that. I smiled to myself as I thought of that, my baby, and my tears turned to tears of joy. I was going to make it through this, with the support of my father, and my baby was going to be my reason to live. My baby was going to be my miracle. Because that's exactly what it was, my miracle.

My beautiful miracle.

--

kays, im so sorry for the short-ness of the first two chapters. the nect few will be longer, i promise. but its just that i had to get the plot going and everything, and these chapters explain alot. so, again, sorry for the length. and if anyone has any ideas or suggestions please send them to me, im open to anything! thanks a ton guys.

love abso-freaking-lutely always - kara marie hale


	3. the silver lining

--Through heaven and hell--

**--Through heaven and hell-- **

**A/N - OHMYGOD! You guys are so awesome! I am so sorry I didn't get to update sooner like I planned to when I read all of the great reviews I got! You guys are so freaking great, so, I'm going to try and update more often, yay! Whoo! Oh and thanks for all of the great suggestions guys, I appreciate it!**

**--**

**Chapter Three - The silver lining**

**--Bellas pov--**

It had been a month since Dr. Gerandy had informed me that I was going to have a baby, which means I'm two months pregnant now. I rested my hands on my stomach, stroking the small baby bump that had started to form. It was barely noticeable, but it was definitely there. It was my constant reminder of what would happen in only seven more months, and it always brought a smile to my lips. The thought of me having a child was difficult at first, and I was struggling with the fact that it was Edwards baby... and he was gone. Yet this baby was exactly what I had been wishing for, proof that he existed, and if his child wasn't proof enough I didn't know what was. Once I had come to terms with my pregnancy I found myself enjoying it thoroughly. I smiled softly as I thought of the many things to come in the next couple of months. I wondered idly what time it was, and I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was about time for me to make dinner for Charlie and me.

I stood to my feet and strolled into the kitchen, surprised to see Charlie standing there. He was searching through the fridge, a small frown on his lips, he seemed slightly confused and maybe even frustrated. "Uhm, Dad. What are you looking for?" He glanced at me and chuckled, I had a hand on my hip and the other one was hanging at my side. "Bells, I was going to make dinner, so you wouldn't have to." I shook my head slowly and walked towards him, taking the package of chicken breasts from him and placing them back in the fridge, "Dad, that's all right. I don't mind cooking, I enjoy it really." He sighed, "I just feel bad, I mean, what's going to happen in a couple of months when you cant cook, or rather you don't want to, and then we end up eating pizza for months because I cant cook anything?" I giggled. "Well, how about this, I'll teach you how to cook." He smiled, "Thanks Bells." I nodded, "No problem Dad. Now I'm going to start you off easy, we'll make spaghetti!" He nodded and sat down at the counter. The next hour or so I spent with Charlie, teaching him how to cook the pasta and how to make the sauce.

When it was ready I dished it into two bowls and handed him his, and then took mine and sat down at our small kitchen table. I nibbled on the pasta, smiling at how good it was. "Great job Bells, this is really good!" I smiled, "Thanks." We ate in a comfortable silence, and when we were done Charlie took my bowl and started washing the dishes, mumbling something about how he could at least do that. I giggled and kissed his cheek, "Dad, I'm actually really tired. I'm going to go to bed, all right?" He nodded and shooed me away. I walked slowly up the stairs, and down the hall into my bedroom. I gathered my toiletries bag and entered the small bathroom.

I turned the water on in the shower and quickly stripped my clothes and got in, relishing in the feeling of the warm water slowly relaxing my tense muscles. I washed my hair and the scent of my strawberry shampoo filled the room, and I smiled softly at the familiar scent. As soon as the hot water ran out I got out of the shower, toweling off, before slipping on my cotton pajamas. When I was dressed I turned to the mirror and brushed my teeth thoroughly, making sure that I covered every surface before rinsing out my mouth. I blow-dried my hair so that it was perfectly straight before brushing it for a minute. Soon I ran out of things to do in the bathroom so I walked back down the hall and into my bedroom. I set my toiletries bag down on my dresser before sitting myself on the edge of my bed. When Edward had left, I had packed most of my things away, all of my books and Cd's were now in a box at the back of my closet. It had just hurt too much when I thought of him, so I got rid of anything that reminded me of him.

It really wasn't successful though, I really couldn't get rid of my room, let alone the small town of Forks Washington. I realized that everything little thing reminded me of him, from my clothes to the rain to my shampoo. It was impossible to not be reminded of him, and sometimes it hurt. I did try my best to pack everything away though, I had even bought all new clothes, and Alice would have been pleased that my new wardrobe was a bit more stylish. I was even considering redecorating my room, but I couldn't part with my memories permanently, everything that I had gotten rid of was neatly packed away, stored either under my bed or in the back of my small closet.

I layed back in my bed, wondering just how extreme would I have to go to actually get rid of the pain in my chest. I had two options, I could find Edward, or I could kill myself. I laughed at myself for even considering suicide, I had to think of my baby now, and I just couldn't leave my child without either of their parents. Although I really couldn't find Edward either, he had disappeared without even a hint as to where he went. So I suppose I would just have to suck it up and deal with the pain. I closed my eyes slowly, praying that I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight, but of course luck wasn't on my side. I drifted of to sleep and then I was graced with the best dream that quickly turned into my worst nightmare yet.

_I sat in the living room with Edward right beside me. He held my hand and traced circles into the back of my palm, the rest of the Cullen's were sitting around the room talking and laughing. I looked across the room and into a mirror on the wall, studying my appearance. _

_I had gold eyes; deep mysterious gold eyes that somehow expressed everything about me yet contained their mystery. My hair was glossier and it brushed against my hips, and I had baby bangs that looked perfect with my heart shaped face. From what I could see of my figure, it was a perfect hourglass with all the right gentle curves. All in all, I was beautiful, but most of all… I was a vampire._

_I glanced around the room to see that there were other people in the room beside myself and the Cullen's, I never did get a good look at their faces but I saw that they all had gold eyes… except for one of them. This one had deep emerald eyes and she looked exactly like Edward and I. It was surreal actually, looking at her… seeing how utterly beautiful she was. She talked and laughed and smiled with the rest of us, completely at ease in a room full of vampires. In fact, she even held hands with a vampire. A couple with a human girl and a vampire boy… so much alike Edward and me when I was human. It was unsettling to watch them, almost as if I was waiting for the girl's heart to break, or if I was watching a story I already knew the ending to unfold._

_Eventually the girl stood from her spot, kissing her significant other softly before retreating up the stairs. No one particularly noticed that the girl had left, or they just hadn't made it obvious that they knew the girl was missing from the room. The only one who acted differently from before her disappearance was the boy she had held hands with and kissed. He gazed longingly towards the staircase and his hand clenched tightly in his lap. _

A few agonizingly long moments passed before a shrill scream pierced the carefree atmosphere in the room. Everyone tensed in his or her seats while Edward and I jumped up and darted for the stairs. The boy that obviously loved the emerald eyed girl dashed in front of us, tearing up the stairs and down the hallway to the second door on the right. I followed quickly behind him, and when I entered the room I froze. The boy had a dark cloaked figure pinned to the floor, slowly ripping it to shreds, while an identical cloaked figure had the emerald eyed girl in his arms and was dragging her out of the window and into the night. I snarled, the sound was positively deadly, and then I pounced. Right before I reached the cloaked figure I was struck to the ground by an agonizing pain, I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe. I lay there crippled on the floor, hoping that the girl had escaped, though I highly doubted it. A pair of marble arms wrapped around me and the pain immediately cut off, and an eerie silence filled the room. I sobbed loud; heartbreaking sobs, crying that 'she' was gone.

I woke up to find my pillow was stained with tears that I had been crying while I slept. I wiped underneath my eyes and caught a few stray tears before slowly sitting up, trying not to make myself sick. I held a hand to my forehead and glanced at the clock, it read 7:00 a.m. and a faded light barely leaked in through my bedroom window. I sighed and stood shakily to my feet, so far the day had a pretty bad start and I wasn't particularly looking forward to throwing my guts up… again. It had become a routine though and I expected it, I was going to have morning sickness until the end of my third month, but according to me the third month couldn't come quick enough.

As soon as I was standing the usual nausea swept over me, almost making me heave right then and there, and as usual I was darting across the hall and into the bathroom. I sank to the bathroom floor, letting my stomach heave repeatedly until it had stopped for a moment. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, waiting to see if there would be a second wave of nausea today. After a few short minutes of keeping everything in my stomach I tried to stand, only to heave into the ceramic bowl of the toilet once again. The splattering sound made me even sicker and I found myself vomiting repeatedly for several minutes. This was pure agony. I finally seemed to get over my morning sickness after a long while, and I managed to stand up and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.

Charlie was standing at the counter, pouring me a small cup of apple juice before handing it to me with an apologetic smile. I smiled weakly back before sipping carefully at the juice, making sure not to overwhelm my stomach and to send me to the bathroom again. I sighed when I finished my cup, smiling happily at the flavor that lingered on my tongue. Recently I had fallen in love with apple juice, the sweet cold sensation of it always soothed my stomach and calmed my morning nerves, but the funny thing is that I used to hate it. I went to pour myself another glass but Charlie beat me to it, I smiled softly towards him, not quite used to being taken care of instead of taking care of other people. I sipped at my second cup of juice gratefully, thankful that my father was being so reasonable about my pregnancy.

He was being so patient with my mood swings, my morning sickness, and he always offered help when I was struggling to decide something about the baby. Like when I realized that I only had about seven months to pick out the perfect name for my baby, and I didn't even know the gender yet. I completely freaked out, even though I knew I had time, I thought I was supposed to be prepared for this… that somehow I was already supposed to have the name picked out. Charlie stayed with me for hours, calming me down and helping me sort through hundreds of baby names. Eventually I came to my senses and set the baby name book down and went and took a nap.

I will willingly admit that I am a very stressed pregnant woman, and I was struggling to deal with everything that other pregnant women dealt with their spouses beside them. I held back the tears that always came when I thought of this. It was ridiculous to cry over something I couldn't prevent, but I still missed Edward so much it physically hurt me. I shook my head slowly and set the juice glass down and walked to the living room and up the stairs. I made my way to my room, closing the door behind me before walking into my closet and sitting on the floor next to a black box that held everything, well almost everything, that reminded me of the Cullen's.

Then I let the tears fall, my arms folded on the top of the box, my head resting on my arms. I shook with the intensity of my sobs, and I let the sorrow and grief take me over for a while. The ever-present hole in my chest made its presence known, ripping open and leaving the edges ragged and throbbing with pain that was as constant as my heart beat. I knew that the hole in my chest wasn't actually there, and if I had enough strength to move I would find myself to be in one piece, but at the moment the pain was crippling me and leaving me breathless so I let it have its way. I clutched my chest, hoping to at least keep myself from falling apart as I rocked back and forth with my cries of grief and pain. I don't know how long exactly my crying spree lasted, but when I finally dragged myself from the closet it was dark outside. I sighed and sank into my bed, not caring about anything else except for the fact that my crying jag had left me exhausted.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to find something positive about my situation, and I found myself thinking about my baby. I rested my hands on my stomach, deciding that this was the best thing that could happen to me. I loved my baby so much, and I had only known it for one short month. I guess you could call it my silver lining, yeah of course I was heartbroken that Edward and his family were gone… that my baby would never know how great and wonderful they were, but he had given me this baby and that was all that mattered. I couldn't change the past but I could look to the future.

As my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep I thought of my baby, my personal silver lining, and I hoped that it would be enough to keep me breathing. To keep me alive. My beautiful baby was the reason I lived, and I would do my best to do just that… to live.

**All right, this chapter was slow and whatnot and I know that. But the next few chapters are just setting up the actual plot, so please hang in there and keep reading! Besides that black box is really important. Really… really important. Stay tuned!**

**-Kara Marie Hale**


	4. sorry guys!

**Hello everyone!**

**I am **_**SO SORRY**_** that I haven't updated my stories or anything in like.... months.**

**I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH! **

**I just cant write anymore, I've hit a permanent writers block, but I'm still in love with my stories...**

**SOOOOOOOOO I'm handing my works of art over to..... -drum roll- ****thedramaticlamb**** YAY!!!!!**

**Her writing style is a lot like mine and she's brand new to writing so she's just spouting ideas! I absolutely love her and I love you all too!**

**AGAIN! IM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!**


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